Easy Slow Cooker Apricot Chicken and Cauliflower Rice (low carb, gluten free, dairy free)

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There is a reason The United States of America is the greatest, best country God has ever given man on the face of the earth.

This is because I am FREE. Free to eat whatever cuisine I want on Independence Day. Because America. When your country is a delicious fondue melting pot, there are a lot of ways to be American. Burgers and apple pie notwithstanding.

Like most sentient creatures on earth, takeout food holds a special place in my heart. Sometimes I just wanna eat something kinda greasy and gross. This is a universal experience of the human condition. Probably sociologists talk about it a lot. Probably over some takeout.

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My point here is that I could pretty much bathe in sweet and sour sauce. BUT I can think of more than a few reasons that might not be an excellent habit (…proper hygiene aside). The obscene amount of sodium, for one. Or the fact that one lunch-sized portion of your average sweet and sour chicken with rice contains about as many carbs as a liter of coke.

So that’s one thing. But takeout in and of itself isn’t a crime!! The problem is when everyone is super tired, and overworked, and in a rush, and trying to save money. This is when, justifiably, it’s a whooole lot easier to fall back on delivery, drive-thru, or pick-up for a quick meal that tastes pretty good. After while, takeout isn’t even fun anymore. It’s just dinner.

Ok I just depressed myself so IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON TO MY MAIN POINT HERE. Which is: Chinese takeout is the best and also super easy to make at home, HEALTHY STYLE. Plus, this recipe uses a slow cooker for those who 1) enjoy throwing everything into one pot and running away, and 2) laughing forever about turning on the oven when it’s a million degrees outside.

GOD BLESS ‘MURRICA.

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Easy Slow Cooker Apricot Chicken and Cauliflower Rice (low carb, gluten free, dairy free)

Yields: About 4 servings

Ingredients:

Chicken and sauce:
Around 1 pound boneless skinless chicken breast
2 ⁄3 cup sugar-free or reduced sugar apricot preserves
3 tbsp gluten-free tamari or soy sauce (I used a low sodium tamari)
2 tbsp reduced sugar ketchup
1 tsp fresh minced ginger OR ¼ tsp ground ginger
¼ tsp liquid stevia OR about 1 tbsp lemon juice

Cauliflower rice:
Around 12 oz (1¼ cup) riced cauliflower (I seriously recommend grabbing a bag from Trader Joe’s if there’s one around you)
1-2 tbsp olive oil
Around 8 oz (1 cup) sliced mushroom
½ cup broccoli florets
1 tbsp gluten-free tamari or soy sauce (I used a low sodium tamari)
1-2 tbsp minced garlic, or to taste
¼ tsp ground ginger
Salt & pepper to taste
Diced green onions, for garnish (optional)

Directions:
Stir the preserves, tamari, ketchup, ginger and stevia or lemon juice in a small bowl. Whisk to combine. 

Place chicken breast in the crockpot and top with apricot sauce. Let cook for 4-5 hours on high or 8 hours on low. After cooking, open crockpot and shred chicken with two forks. Replace lid and let sit.

To make the cauliflower rice, place a large saucepan over medium heat and add the olive oil. Once the oil is hot, add minced garlic and heat until fragrant. Add mushrooms and sauté until they just begin to soften and release water. Add broccoli florets and cook until bright and crisp-tender, about 3 minutes.

Add riced cauliflower and sautee for a few minutes until more tender.

Add tamari, powdered ginger, black pepper, and salt. Stir to combine.

Serve them up together IN THE LAND OF THE FREE. 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸

Nutrition (Calculated with sugar-free preserves, lemon juice, and tamari):
apricot chicken w caulirice nutrition

Classic Hamantaschen (low carb, gluten free, no added sugar, dairy free)

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With all the accidental Lenten festivities going on last week, it only seemed right to include some other theological treats in the fun. And with Purim right around the corner, what better than a makeover of the classic hamantaschen cookie?

Purim is a Jewish holiday that commemorates the saving of the Jewish people from Haman, a huge jerk that planned to murder all of them because he didn’t like one guy in particular. Hamantaschen are a traditional filled pastry folded into a triangle, generally thought to be referencing Haman’s three-pointed hat. Eating the hat of your enemies: APPROVED.

Now I have seen recipes for hamantaschen that put this one to shame – red velvet, brownie-filled, funfetti-cheesecake hamantaschen – but what’s the hurry? Build up to those, I say. Let’s start with the classics.

Well, classically, hamantaschen are filled with a variety of sweet fillings, like poppy seed (the oldest and most traditional variety), apricot, raspberry, raisins, fruit preserves, cherry, fig, chocolate, or even caramel or cheese.

Being a cheap lady of distinguished taste and discretion, I opted for apricot and raspberry as my fillings of choice, also because I already had a jar of each. (But THAT was because those two are the best fillings for anything, so really it all comes full circle.)

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I acknowledge that for someone who hates making cookies as much as I do, I am doing an EXCELLENT job at finding recipes to make them at every opportunity. That being said, these are pretty painless in terms of effort, even though they look so fancy. I promise! I’ve included pictures on how to fold them and everything!

With some simple substitutions for flour and sweetener, it was almost TOO easy to create an authentic hamantaschen minus all the wheaty-ness, sugary-ness, and gluten…ness. Plus, this is a cultural learning experience! This way, we all win.

Come, let us nosh.

Classic Hamantaschen (low carb, gluten free, no added sugar, dairy free)

Recipe adapted from All Day I Dream About Food

Yields: About 15 cookies

Ingredients:

2 cups almond flour
1/4 cup sweetener
1/4 tsp salt
1 large egg white, or about 2-3 tbsp egg white
2 1/2 tbsp butter or dairy-free spread, melted
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/8 tsp stevia extract
1/4 cup sugar-free or reduced sugar raspberry preserves
1/4 cup sugar-free or reduced sugar apricot preserves

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 325°F and line a large baking sheet with parchment paper.

Combine almond flour, sweetener, and salt in a medium bowl. Add egg white, vanilla and stevia extracts, and melted butter or dairy-free spread, and stir until dough comes together.

Always make a tiny version of the thing you are making when the opportunity presents itself.

Roll out dough onto a large piece of parchment paper. Using another large piece of parchment on top, roll out to 1/8 inch thick. Cut out rounds using (no smaller than) a 3 inch round cookie cutter.

Using a spatula or knife, very gently loosen rounds from parchment and transfer to prepared baking sheet.

Re-roll dough and cut out more rounds as necessary, until dough runs out. Spoon about 3/4 tsp of either raspberry or apricot preserves into the center of each circle.

Fold the dough in from three sides and firmly pinch the corners. The dough will be delicate, so don’t worry if you find yourself patching up little tears and cracks along the way.

Bake 12 to 15 minutes, until edges are just golden brown. Remove and let cool completely before attempting to transfer to any other plate/dish. Nosh away!

Nutritional Info (Calculated with dairy-free spread and sugar-free preserves):

hamantaschen nutrition

Super Easy Chicken Ramen; Or, What’s A Shirataki? (Low carb, gluten free, dairy free, vegan adaptable)

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I understand you may be confused by the images you are seeing right now because they do not appear to feature a dessert. Honestly, even I’m confused. That is not a picture of dessert. That is definitely soup. Right? That isn’t a dessert. 

Well, I hope you’re sitting down: all of this was…INTENTIONAL. Yes, not unlike my Buffalo Salmon and Avocado Salad, occasionally I will find myself eating something other than cake. AND HERE LIES THE PROOF.

Part of the inspiration here is how fuh-reezing it’s been lately. To be fair I have been known to define anything under 50° as ‘freezing’, but still. It’s been the perfect kind of crisp, chilly winter air I love to romanticize while actually barricading myself indoors and turning my heated blanket setting up to ‘electrocute’.

Oh, and but of course: making some simmering, savory soup. Yeeesssss.

You really can’t go wrong with ramen. Cheap, easy, and delicious. And here, as is always the promise: healthy, too! Loaded with veggies, protein, and aaall that good stuff.

To make this a low carb dish, I’ve opted to use shirataki noodles over a more traditional noodle. What on earth is shirataki, you say? Why, I’m glad you asked!

Shirataki noodles (or yamflour noodles, konjac noodles, konnyaku noodles, etc) are a thin, transparent Japanese noodle made from the gelatinous fiber of the konjac yam. As an ingredient, they’re very low in carbohydrates and calories, and have little flavor of their own. They’re available in a bunch of different shapes, too – fettucini, angel hair, elbow, etc.

You can usually find them in the refrigerated section next to the tofu – they come packaged in liquid that smells a bit fishy upon opening. A quick rinse and any kind of heating (par-boiling, stir-frying, dry-roasting etc) should clear that up. Other than that, they’re ready right out of the bag! Some kinds of shirataki are made with tofu as well, which adds a minimal amount of calories and carbs, but some people prefer the texture. If you’re watching your carbs, keep an eye out for brands that sneak in various starches and flours.

So they’re a bit of an acquired taste, for sure. But are they healthy? WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR? I’ll let the clever minds behind the Keto Diet Blog summarize:

This study shows that the soluble fibre called glucomannan found in shirataki noodles may help you lose weight and improve health. Below are the main benefits of glucomannan:

  • Soluble fiber is very low in calories and lowers the energy-to-weight ratio of the food that is consumed.
  • It has shown to promote satiety via several mechanisms. Including shirataki noodles will keep you fuller for longer!
  • It slows down digestion which again induces satiety.
  • It inhibits carbohydrate absorption and improves glycemic parameters (lowering blood glucose levels and inhibiting insulin spikes).
  • It reduces fat and protein absorption (only beneficial for excessive calorie consumption).

Sounds good to me. But if shirataki is too far out for you, you’re not out of healthy options! Try the ever-popular zucchini noodles (aka zoodles), kelp noodles, spaghetti squash, cabbage, or just some plain old gluten-free noodles (keeping in mind the carb count would change).

While I used some of my personal favorite veggies for this recipe, feel free to substitute or add in your own favorites! For our vegetarian/vegan friends, try switching in some tofu, seitan, portobello etc. instead of chicken. The possibilities are endless!

So the sooner we get this started, the better – my heated blanket’s power cord isn’t long enough to reach the kitchen.

Super Easy Chicken Ramen (Low carb, gluten free, dairy free, vegan adaptable)

Yields: around 4 servings

Ingredients: 

2-3 packages of shirataki noodles/tofu shirataki (I used plain shirataki)
1-2 tbsp olive oil
2 cups sliced mushroom
2 cups baby bok choy, chopped (leaves separated from stalks)
1-2 tbsp minced garlic, or to taste
1 1/2 tsp powdered ginger
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/4 tsp salt or onion salt
1/4 tsp ancho chili powder
4 cups chicken stock (I used a lower sodium chicken bone broth)
1-2 cups water
4-5 tbsp gluten-free tamari or soy sauce (I used a low sodium tamari)
12 oz. chicken, cooked and cubed
1/4 cup shredded or coined carrots
1/4 cup green onion, diced

Optional, for topping:
Nori (seaweed)
Boiled egg
Sriracha

Directions:

If using shirataki noodles, empty bags into a colander and drain all the liquid. Rinse well under water.

Drain noodles and transfer to a hot pan without any oil, grease, or liquid. Heat on medium-high for 5-10 minutes, or until noodles release steam and shrink slightly (but not too much!). Set aside.

Place a large saucepan over medium heat and add the olive oil. Once the oil is hot, add minced garlic and heat until fragrant. Add mushrooms and bok choy stalks and sauté until they just begin to soften and release water. Add powdered ginger, black pepper, salt, and chili powder. Stir to combine.

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Add in chicken stock/bone broth, water, and tamari. Add in the rest of the bok choy leaves. Bring up to a boil and then reduce to a simmer.

Add in shirataki noodles and cooked chicken. Simmer for 1-2 minutes more – shirataki noodles are great at absorbing flavors!

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Remove from heat and pour into bowls. Top with diced green onion, carrots, and anything else you’d like! Devour, and then crawl back under your comforter.

 

Nutritional Info (calculated without optional toppings):

ramen nutrition info

Cinnamon Crunch Tea Cookies (Low carb, gluten free, sugar free, dairy free)

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With Valentine’s Day coming up, there’s nothing more touching than the moment your special someone turns to you and says those three little words: “Eat this cookie.”

Because anyone that really loved you would definitely want you to eat these. That’s how you know the love is real.

And that’s what so great about Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t matter who your special someone is – fancy paramours, family, friends, your reflection in the mirror – we’re all allowed to embrace the gigantic amount of chocolate on sale for no reason in the middle of February. Plus: excuses to incorporate pink into food! I for one am SOLD.

Cinnamon (not chocolate for once) felt right for Valentine’s Day. Actually, cinnamon feels right for most holidays. And days. And mostly I just like putting cinnamon in everything.

Also in unrelated news, I recently had a coupon for $2 off clotted cream. And get this – my fridge appeared to have an empty space just about clotted cream jar size!! Complete coincidence.

Cinnamon (of the popular ‘Cassia’ variety) actually has a fairly long history of health benefits, too! To name a few:

Add that to a festive soiree of low carb nut flour, healthy fats, free from gluten, dairy (well, minus the clotted cream) and OF COURSE no added sugar, and we’ve got ourselves a winner!

HENCE: cinnamon crunch tea cookies. Crunchy on the outside, all sweet ‘n’ spicy – but soft and light on the inside. It practically melts in your mouth.  They taste fabulous as is, but then I went and glazed ’em. Honestly, because I wanted – no, NEEDED – pink somewhere. Add a spot of tea, a dab of jam, and a dollop of clotted cream (please do this if dairy doesn’t kill you), and you just guaranteed those three little words will lead to something even better. You know what I mean. Actually eating these cookies.

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Cinnamon Crunch Tea Cookies (Low carb, gluten free, sugar free, dairy free)

Recipe adapted from Mom’s Own Words and recommended by my friend Lindsay, who is a genius and a true visionary.

Yields: around 12-18 cookies (depending on how small or large you make them)

Ingredients: 

Cookies:
4 large egg whites, beaten until just frothy
2 cups almond flour or any nut flour (I used Honeyville walnut flour)
2/3 cup granulated sweetener (I used Swerve)
2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp vanilla extract

Filling/Topping:
2 tbsp granulated sweetener
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon (more or less depending on how ~spicy~ you like it!)
1 1/2 tsp sugar free brown sugar substitute, optional (I used this)

Glaze:
1 tbsp hot water or milk of choice, more or less depending on the consistency you want
1/4 tsp vanilla, or other extracts
1 /2 cup powdered sweetener
1-1 1/2 tbsp softened cream cheese, optional (I used this dairy free spread just for kicks)
Red food coloring, optional (IS IT REALLY OPTIONAL??)

(NOT) optional, for topping:
Clotted cream
Reduced sugar/sugar free jam or jelly of choice

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 375°F and line a sheet pan with parchment paper.

In a large bowl, combine all of the ingredients, and mix well to create a batter.

In a small bowl, whisk together filling ingredients. Sprinkle just under half of filling into batter and mix in, but do not fully incorporate, so that it remains streaky.

Use a tablespoon to drop 12-18 evenly spaced cookies on the lined pan. Sprinkle with remaining topping.

Bake for about 12-15 minutes until cookies begin to lightly brown and slightly bounce back at the touch.

For the glaze, whisk cream cheese (if using) and milk or water together until smooth. Beat in powdered sweetener and vanilla extract until combined. Add one or two drops of red food coloring for perfect pinkery! Pipe or spread over cooled cookies. Delicious served warm or cooled!

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Nutritional Info (As 15 servings, calculated with almond flour and glaze, and without toppings):

tea cookie nutrition

14 Healthier Recipes For Your Super Bowl Sunday (Low carb, paleo, vegan, sugar free)

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Being that I am a patriotic, warm-blooded American, it would only follow that of course I love football. I am saying this with a backdrop of the American flag billowing valiantly behind me. There is also a bald eagle.

There may be naysayers who doubt this claim, asking strange questions like “But what about the time you asked who was winning an hour and a half before the game even started?” Ha! Well – “Or what about when you asked how many quarters were in a game?” UHH I CAN EXPLAIN- “Or when you-“

ok FINE YOU CAUGHT ME AND MAYBE I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL. But. I do love the Super Bowl. Wanna guess why? HINT: It starts with ‘f’ and ends with ‘ood’. GIVE UP YET?

Yes, and no one is surprised. The Super Bowl has given rise to some truly fantastic snackage over the years. And the excuse to make and inhale all of them in short order (like I even need an excuse).

It has come to my attention, however, that many are justifiably hesitant to participate in this nationalistic tradition of Super Bowl snacking, since most traditional Super Bowl fare is not exactly the epitome of healthy eating. And that just ain’t right. So here’s a little collection that covers some of our favorites: low carb, gluten free, paleo, vegan – NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND.

Recipe links below! And remember, with a few simple substitutions (vegan cheese products, switching out proteins, using alternative sweeteners) most of these recipes can easily be adapted to dairy free, vegan, or sugar free if not already!

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Buffalo Salmon Avocado Salad here at The M’Academia Nut

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Football Deviled Eggs at Full-Thyme Student

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Mini Bun-less Cheeseburger Bites with Thousand Island Dip from Sugar-Free Mom

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Buffalo Spiced Cocktail Nuts at All Day I Dream About Food

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Zucchini Nacho Chips from Keto Adapted

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Crunchy Cucumber Rolls with Herb Cheeze from Nutrition Stripped 

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Quick and Easy Guacamole from KetoDiet

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Loaded Mexican Nachos – Paleo Style from Primally Inspired 

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Kickin’ Chili from Peace, Love and Low Carb

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Jalapeño Popper Dip from Simply Gourmet (TIP: leave out the cracker crumbs for a lower carb topping!)

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Vanilla Cinnamon Chia Seed Pudding at The M’Academia Nut

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Peanut Butter & Chocolate Truffles from I Breathe I’m Hungry

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Avocado Chocolate Mousse – Two Ways! from Chocolate-Covered Katie

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Cosmopolitan Jello Shots from All Day I Dream About Food 

Pumpkin Spice Butterscotch Blondies (Low carb, sugar free, gluten free, dairy free)

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I think I may fit the criteria for a basic fall girl. I realized this recently while excitedly purchasing a seasonal caramel apple tea and babbling endlessly about the brisk autumn air and oversized sweaters.

Witnesses have confirmed I appeared to be wearing leggings and a puffy faux-fur lined vest at the time.

It was, then, no surprise that the notorious pumpkin spice essentially took over my entire life and has continued well into the winter, which brings us now to this fine recipe featuring all the seasonal elements you JUST MIGHT EXPECT FROM ME. You can take the girl out of the fall, but you can’t take the fall out of the girl.

But of course, with some extra credit: grain free, sugar free, low carb, easily made dairy free, with healthy fats and proteins from both almond flour and almond butter!

What we got here is some dense, gooey, butterscotch-y blondies featuring notes of cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg – I regret nothing!! And actually, go make this. You probably won’t regret anything either.

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Pumpkin Spice Butterscotch Blondies (Low carb, sugar free, gluten free, dairy free)

Recipe adapted from All Day I Dream About Food

Yields: around 30 squares

Ingredients: 

2 cups almond flour
2 tsp pumpkin spice mix
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 cup natural almond butter (or any mild-flavored nut butter)
1/2 cup butter or coconut oil, softened (Earth Balance Buttery Sticks or Melt Organic Spread would also work for dairy free)
1 cup sweetener (I use Swerve)
4 large egg whites, or just under 3/4 cup
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 – 1 1/2 tsp butterscotch extract (I use Frontier)
1/2 tsp liquid stevia extract (I use Sweetleaf)

Optional:
1 tbsp sugar free brown sugar substitute (like this)
1 tsp maple or molasses flavoring OR 1 tbsp blackstrap molasses

Directions:

Preheat oven to 325°F and grease a 9×13 inch baking pan.

In a medium bowl, whisk together almond flour, pumpkin spice, baking soda and salt.

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WASTE NOT.

In a large bowl, beat almond butter, butter and sweetener until smooth and well combined.

Beat in egg whites, vanilla, butterscotch and stevia extracts until well combined.

Beat in almond flour mixture until fully incorporated; spread mixture in prepared baking pan and smooth the top with a knife or an offset spatula.

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Stirring this counted as my entire year’s worth of arm reps.

Bake 25 to 30 minutes (less for a gooey consistency, more for a cakier consistency), until just set. I’ve found that the edges will be done before the center, which is fine – they’ll just be a little lighter and cakier.

Remove and let cool at least 30 minutes before cutting and serving.

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Nutritional Info:

Calculated with 1 tbsp brown sugar substitute, without molasses.

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Raspberry Linzer Cookies AND Bars! (Low carb, sugar free, gluten free, dairy free)

 

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Cookies. So classic. So RELIABLE. Every time I need to make a dessert, I think, “Cookies. So classic and so reliable. Why do I never make cookies?”

And then I make the cookies and I’m like “ok THIS is why I don’t make cookies.”

Look. It’s nothing against cookies as an actual dessert. It’s everything against the rolling and cutting and re-rolling and re-cutting and getting the thickness just right and then having to eat all the extra ones you burned (well, that part’s ok) because you decided to guess what “1/4 of an inch” actually looked like.

(………burnt cookies not featured.)

But I wanted to be like a fancy Viennese pastry chef and make those pretty little Linzer cookies – or die klassischen Linzer Augen, AS IT WERE. I also knew this would take me approximately several hundred years to do because cookies are a high-maintenance dessert and I refuse to hear otherwise.

So for those in the “aggressively lazy” camp (this is a running theme you can always expect here), I thought: what if you made Linzer cookies but instead of cookies they were bars? Ideal! And THEN I discovered I wasn’t even the first to have thought of this! Super ideal!!

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But then I made both anyway, because it was just so exciting. I don’t think that actually saved me any time, in retrospect, but it meant there was a lot of sampling and I’m ok with that.

Simple and healthy ingredients, dairy-free adaptable, perfect for the holidays and also every other day. Oh, and did I mention? LESS THAN SIX INGREDIENTS. As I always say, lassen Sie es sich schmecken!

Recipes and nutritional info for both cookies and bars below:

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Raspberry Linzer Cookies (low carb, sugar free, gluten free, dairy free adaptable)

Recipe adapted from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Yields: About 32 cookies

Ingredients: 
Cookies:
1 cup granulated sweetener (I used Swerve)
4 cups blanched almond flour
3/4 cup butter or coconut oil, melted (Earth Balance Buttery Sticks or Melt Organic Spread would also work for dairy free)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp almond extract

Filling:
1 cup sugar-free or reduced sugar raspberry preserves
1/8 tsp almond extract
1/4 tsp xanthan gum (optional, but helps filling set and hold together)
Powdered sweetener, for dusting

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350° F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper, or spray with oil.

Combine the sweetener, almond flour, butter/oil/spread, and extracts. Stir together until a crumbly but firm dough forms.

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Roll dough out onto parchment paper until about 1/4 inch thick.

Cut using a Linzer cookie cutter or a medium round or fluted cookie cutter, then using a smaller round, heart, or star shape to cut out the center (or honestly just buy this). Place on prepared baking sheet.

Bake for 8-12 minutes or until light golden brown around the edges.

Allow to cool to room temperature. Spread raspberry preserves filling on the flat side of each solid cookie. Dust the top of the cutout cookies with powdered sweetener, and press the flat sides together, with the raspberry preserves in the middle and the powdered sweetener on the top.

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The Ghost of Cookies Past.

And now for your bars, as promised:

Raspberry Linzer Bars (low carb, sugar free, gluten free, dairy free adaptable)

Recipe adapted from I Breathe I’m Hungry

Yields: Around 30 squares

Ingredients: 
Crust:
1 cup granulated sweetener (I used Swerve)
4 cups blanched almond flour
3/4 cup butter or coconut oil, melted (Earth Balance Buttery Sticks or Melt Organic Spread would also work for dairy free)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp almond extract

Filling:
1 cup sugar-free or reduced sugar raspberry preserves
1/8 tsp almond extract
1/4 tsp xanthan gum (optional, but helps filling set)

 Directions:

Preheat oven to 350° F and line a 9×13 with parchment paper, or spray with oil.

Combine the sweetener, almond flour, butter/oil/spread, and extracts. Stir together until a crumbly but firm dough forms. Press about 2/3 of the dough into the pan.

In a separate bowl, combine the raspberry preserves, almond extract, and xanthan gum (if using).

Spread the preserves mixture evenly over the crust, and then crumble the remaining crust mixture over the top of the preserves layer.

Bake in a preheated oven at 350°F for 28 – 30 minutes or until golden brown and firm.

 

Remove from the oven and cool completely before cutting into 2 inch squares. Voila!

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Nutritional Info:

As calculated with sugar free raspberry preserves:

linzer bar nutrition info

 

Buffalo Salmon and Avocado Salad (Low carb, sugar free, gluten free, dairy free)

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At this point in time we are going to aggressively ignore my shameful update schedule and instead focus our energy on other shameful concerns. For example: how did it take me this long to discover buffalo sauce?

I have no idea where this came from, but it’s like I got hit with a truck. Just outta nowhere. It’s been rough, guys. I can recognize a buffalo recipe on Pinterest from across the room. I’m obsessed with buffalo covered everything and no one even cares since they’ve already been enjoying their chicken dips and wings since the dawn of time.

While feverishly trying to incorporate hot sauce into everything I eat, I came across this Salmon & Avocado Salad recipe at The Healthy Foodie . With a few tweaks (aka ADDING MORE HOT SAUCE), I knew it would be an excellent vehicle to help me shovel more buffalo-type stuff in my face. And finally, a savory recipe to share! I eat that stuff, too! Not just cake! Honest!

Adding celery was key for me – I think celery legally has to be included with all buffalo dishes? Look, I don’t make the rules. But at least this time we can subtly dice it up and use it to add a little texture and crunch. Cilantro provides an excellent zip and balance for all that creamy avocado, too. This has become a staple in my fridge – I always try and have a batch available. It keeps really well!

Avocado: a little TOO photogenic.

Avocado: a little TOO photogenic.

So what makes this recipe in particular so fantastic? It’s cheap, quick, and easy for starters. (Canned or pouched salmon is almost always wild-caught!) Frankly, those three factors pretty much seal the deal for me, but it’s also – surprise!! – really GOOD FOR YOU. It’s low in carbs, high in fiber, and provides enough healthy, anti-inflammatory fats (don’t fear the fats!) to keep you satiated until the next time you’re trying to figure out how to inhale more buffalo sauce.

Buffalo Salmon & Avocado Salad

Recipe adapted from The Healthy Foodie

Yields: four servings (I have been known to eat it in less)

Ingredients: 

2 (5 oz.) pouches wild-caught salmon
1 ripe avocado
1 stalk celery, diced
2-4 tbsp chopped cilantro, or to taste
2 tbsp hot sauce (I use Frank’s Original)
Salt & pepper, to taste

Directions:

Only FOUR ingredients, y'all!!!

I forgot the celery PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

Add the salmon into a bowl, and use a fork to separate it a bit. Then, add your avocado and smoosh it all right in there.

Then add all remaining ingredients and mix until well combined. Feel free to add whatever other mix-ins or spices tickle your fancy! I like letting it sit in the refrigerator for a bit, so all the flavors can ~*~blend~*~, but you could also just go to town on it. Roll it in nori, put it in a lettuce cup, wrap it, press it into a 1950s jello mold (don’t do that) – whatever you like!

Adding the hot sauce does not add to the visual appeal, unfortunately. This would explain the distinct lack of pictures accompanying this recipe. :| My recommendation is to visit the original recipe on The Healthy Foodie and pretend her gorgeous photos are my gorgeous photos.

Nutritional Info:

nutrition label

LOW CARB Chocolate Birthday Cake with (SUGAR-FREE!) Vanilla and Chocolate Buttercream Frosting

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I feel very strongly that you would be impressed by the amount of cake I can put away.

I guess it’s just one of those innate talents I was born with. Some people are naturally gifted mathematicians or artists, but I was graced with the singular ability to effortlessly inhale about half of an entire cake in one sitting. I don’t bring it up much since I don’t want to intimidate people or anything.

Hahahaha!!!! No, that will not be nearly enough.

Hahahaha!!!! No, that will not be nearly enough.

There is but one day a year that my special skill can truly reveal itself, and that is of course every day MY BIRTHDAY HOORAY. Which was actually months ago now and is shamefully when I ORIGINALLY meant to post this, but let’s not kid ourselves: every day is a day that I could just take out the ingredients for this cake and make it because I have hands and a functioning oven. BOOM. No justification needed.

I mean ages before my birthday was even a consideration to normal people, I was planning this cake. I even made a beta version.

I knew it needed to be richer than God, and include various buttercream delights because I almost don’t consider frosting frosting without butter. But then also: not made of carby things.

Yes, you heard right. Carby things. NOT made of it. This cake contains no grains, flour, or added sugars – it’s LOW CARB. This is a freakin’ birthday cake that you could actually eat every day and not feel guilty for. The BUTTERCREAM FROSTING (which comes in both vanilla and chocolate, thank you very much) is sugar-free, for god’s sake! Even the fats it does contain are the good ones! I don’t even feel an ounce of guilt for implying this could be called healthy. And it’s a birthday cake. Yes, I am typing this one-handed so I can also pat myself on the back at the same time.

Seriously, go check out the nutritional comparison with a regular cake. And try not to be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of crap they can pack into one slice.

You will notice from the pictures that there appears to be only half a cake present. This is actually NOT because I had already annihilated that half before I managed to pick up the camera – I actually only made a half cake so I could justify baking a ton of other desserts that weekend and argue that I only had half a cake so this was fair. Future posts on those to come! WOO! So please, go make this low-carb, low-sugar, gluten-free, vegan-adaptable (so basically, SUPER GREAT FOR YOU) birthday cake and enjoy! 1/4th the cake at a time.

LOW CARB Chocolate Cake With (SUGAR-FREE!) Vanilla and Chocolate Buttercream

Recipe adapted from Maria Mind Body Health

Yields: two 9 ” cake layers (I halved the recipe and stacked one layer)

Ingredients: 
Cake:
1 1/4 cup sweetener (I used ZSweet)
1 3/4 cups blanched almond flour
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt (I omitted this because the shortening I used already had salt)
2-3 egg whites (or two whole eggs)
1 cup unsweetened almond milk
drops liquid stevia to taste (I used this one)
1/2 cup butter or coconut oil, softened (I used Earth Balance Soy Free Buttery Sticks)
2 tsp vanilla extract
Frosting:
Recipe adapted from 
DaVinci Gourmet Coffee Syrups
1 1/2-2 cups powdered sweetener (I used Swerve Confectioners)
4 tablespoons butter, softened
2 tablespoons choice of milk (I used unsweetened vanilla almond milk)
2 tablespoons Da Vinci Gourmet syrup of choice (I used sugar-free caramel). But if you don’t want to use this, I would substitute with a tsp or two any flavor extract of your choice!
1 teaspoon vanilla

For chocolate buttercream: add 2-3 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder, add milk as until desired consistency is reached. I also added some DaVinci sugar free french vanilla. Feel free to substitute this with a tsp or so vanilla extract if you’d like.

 Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and grease two 9 inch cake pans. I also always cut out a circle of parchment paper and place it on the bottom of the pan for extra safety.

In a medium bowl, stir together the sweetener, almond flour, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Add the eggs, almond milk, butter or oil and vanilla.  Mix that for 2-3 minutes with an electric mixer. Pour evenly into the two prepared pans.

Bake for 30 to 35 minutes in the preheated oven, until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. PLEASE NOTE: almond flour is very delicate right out of the oven, so let it cool for at least 15 minutes before flipping the pants out.

For the frosting, use an electric mixer to combine all of the ingredients until smooth. Frost cake once it’s cooled! And be sure to sample a lot of everything.

More or less what happened.

More or less what happened.

Our cast of cake components. I recommend mixing them up and baking:

yassss

yassss

The batter will be thick, almost like a brownie batter. Just trust me on this – you’re doing it right.

PASS THE BUTTER

PASS THE BUTTER

And the frosting, which should be approximately 50% of your cake, ideally.

Mix everything up and then BOOM. Cake.

I opted for a more postmodern cake label.

I opted for a more postmodern cake label.

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P1010220

You know what to do.

Nutritional Info:

My cake calculated with two full layers and both frostings OF COURSE. Please also keep in mind this was all calculated with the specific products and ingredients I used as listed above – of course things will vary depending on what you put into yours!

chocolate cake with frosting NutritionLabel

Vanilla Cinnamon Chia Seed Pudding (Low carb, sugar free, gluten free, paleo, vegan)

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Do you see what has been artfully spread on a charming tablecloth in the picture above. 

THAT’S RIGHT.

CHIA SEEDS.

Sara always keeps her promises. (note: Sara is me.)

(addendum to note: this is still not actually the chia seed recipe my sister requested I’M SORRY I’M GONNA GET IT RIGHT EVENTUALLY)

Let me teach you the way of the chia seed. 

These are indeed the very same chia of the ch-ch-ch-chia pet fame. And they’re just fantastic. They’re these tiny little powerhouses of nutrition and versatility, and I haven’t even come close to unlocking their full potential yet as an ingredient. In fact: preliminary research hasn’t not shown that eating chia seeds on a regular basis makes you better than everyone else.* 

On their own, chia seeds taste pretty neutral, so they can work in both savory and sweet applications. Throw ’em on a salad, in a smoothie, your cereal, yogurt, even as an egg substitute for vegan-types!

Or you could make pudding with them.

It's a TABLEAU.

It’s a TABLEAU.

Among many other delightful qualities, chia seeds are loaded with fiber. And it’s thanks to this fiber that helps chia seeds absorb any liquid you mix it with and form a pudding-like gel. I learned this from the google and also real-life application, so I’m qualified to speak on this.

This pudding is yet another incredibly low maintenance recipe for all of those out there like myself who enjoy throwing things into a bowl and then walking away. This also isn’t overwhelmingly sweet, so that can also be adjusted according to preference. PLUS the options for different flavor combinations is endless! Throw in some chocolate, nut butters, pumpkin, coconut, whatever. Go wild. I won’t hold you back.

Because I am apparently only capable of making recipes containing cinnamon, vanilla, and almond in some capacity, I went ahead and made some vanilla cinnamon chia seed pudding with almond milk.

Vanilla Cinnamon Chia Seed Pudding

Original recipe from an edible mosaic

Yields: four 1/2 cup servings

Ingredients: 

2 cups unsweetened almond milk (I used unsweetened vanilla)
6 tbsp chia seeds
1-2 packets stevia/choice of sweetener to taste (I use SweetLeaf Stevia)
4-8 drops liquid vanilla stevia, or to taste (…also SweetLeaf no they aren’t paying me BUT THEY SHOULD)
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp vanilla extract
teeny pinch of salt

Directions:

The lineup.

The lineup.

Add all ingredients into a bowl, and stir to combine.

Action shot!!!!!

Action shot!!!!!

I know. It’s going to seem like the cinnamon will never want to mix in. But you just have to believe. 

~*~BELIEVE~*~

~*~JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF~*~

Good enough. Then, let the chia seeds work their mysterious and exotic magic and refrigerate until pudding thickens, at least 2 hours or overnight. Feel free to pop in and stir occasionally.

Then, place into fancy dishes (not optional) and be sure to sprinkle various ingredients all over your table so everyone knows that you are better than them for eating chia seeds.*

"I ate this, and I'm better than you" -you

“Statistics don’t not show that I am better than you for eating this ” -you

And enjoy!
*Source: Authority for the Creation of Deceptively Phrased Facts About Chia Seeds

Nutritional Info:

Calculated with stevia. Dat FIBER.
ChiaSeedPudding NutritionLabel