I feel very strongly that you would be impressed by the amount of cake I can put away.

I guess it’s just one of those innate talents I was born with. Some people are naturally gifted mathematicians or artists, but I was graced with the singular ability to effortlessly inhale about half of an entire cake in one sitting. I don’t bring it up much since I don’t want to intimidate people or anything.

There is but one day a year that my special skill can truly reveal itself, and that is of course every day MY BIRTHDAY HOORAY. Which was actually months ago now and is shamefully when I ORIGINALLY meant to post this, but let’s not kid ourselves: every day is a day that I could just take out the ingredients for this cake and make it because I have hands and a functioning oven. BOOM. No justification needed.

I mean ages before my birthday was even a consideration to normal people, I was planning this cake. I even made a beta version.

I knew it needed to be richer than God, and include various buttercream delights because I almost don’t consider frosting frosting without butter. But then also: not made of carby things.

Yes, you heard right. Carby things. NOT made of it. This cake contains no grains, flour, or added sugars – it’s LOW CARB. This is a freakin’ birthday cake that you could actually eat every day and not feel guilty for. The BUTTERCREAM FROSTING (which comes in both vanilla and chocolate, thank you very much) is sugar-free, for god’s sake! Even the fats it does contain are the good ones! I don’t even feel an ounce of guilt for implying this could be called healthy. And it’s a birthday cake. Yes, I am typing this one-handed so I can also pat myself on the back at the same time.

Seriously, go check out the nutritional comparison with a regular cake. And try not to be overwhelmed by the sheer amount of crap they can pack into one slice.

You will notice from the pictures that there appears to be only half a cake present. This is actually NOT because I had already annihilated that half before I managed to pick up the camera – I actually only made a half cake so I could justify baking a ton of other desserts that weekend and argue that I only had half a cake so this was fair. Future posts on those to come! WOO! So please, go make this low-carb, low-sugar, gluten-free, vegan-adaptable (so basically, SUPER GREAT FOR YOU) birthday cake and enjoy! 1/4th the cake at a time.

LOW CARB Chocolate Cake With (SUGAR-FREE!) Vanilla and Chocolate Buttercream

Recipe adapted from Maria Mind Body Health

Yields: two 9 ” cake layers (I halved the recipe and stacked one layer)

Ingredients: 
Cake:
1 1/4 cup sweetener (I used ZSweet)
1 3/4 cups blanched almond flour
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt (I omitted this because the shortening I used already had salt)
2-3 egg whites (or two whole eggs)
1 cup unsweetened almond milk
drops liquid stevia to taste (I used this one)
1/2 cup butter or coconut oil, softened (I used Earth Balance Soy Free Buttery Sticks)
2 tsp vanilla extract
Frosting:
Recipe adapted from DaVinci Gourmet Coffee Syrups
1 1/2-2 cups powdered sweetener (I used Swerve Confectioners)
4 tablespoons butter, softened
2 tablespoons choice of milk (I used unsweetened vanilla almond milk)
2 tablespoons Da Vinci Gourmet syrup of choice (I used sugar-free caramel). But if you don’t want to use this, I would substitute with a tsp or two any flavor extract of your choice!
1 teaspoon vanilla

For chocolate buttercream: add 2-3 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder, add milk as until desired consistency is reached. I also added some DaVinci sugar free french vanilla. Feel free to substitute this with a tsp or so vanilla extract if you’d like.

 Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and grease two 9 inch cake pans. I also always cut out a circle of parchment paper and place it on the bottom of the pan for extra safety.

In a medium bowl, stir together the sweetener, almond flour, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Add the eggs, almond milk, butter or oil and vanilla.  Mix that for 2-3 minutes with an electric mixer. Pour evenly into the two prepared pans.

Bake for 30 to 35 minutes in the preheated oven, until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. PLEASE NOTE: almond flour is very delicate right out of the oven, so let it cool for at least 15 minutes before flipping the pants out.

For the frosting, use an electric mixer to combine all of the ingredients until smooth. Frost cake once it’s cooled! And be sure to sample a lot of everything.

Our cast of cake components. I recommend mixing them up and baking:

The batter will be thick, almost like a brownie batter. Just trust me on this – you’re doing it right.

And the frosting, which should be approximately 50% of your cake, ideally.

Mix everything up and then BOOM. Cake.

You know what to do.

Nutritional Info:

My cake calculated with two full layers and both frostings OF COURSE. Please also keep in mind this was all calculated with the specific products and ingredients I used as listed above – of course things will vary depending on what you put into yours!